Plug in, or pull the plug?

The pro's and con's of social networking

by Larry Magid

Social networking sites like MySpace have been in the news a lot lately, as word spreads about kids who are getting into potential trouble as a result of the information they post on these sites.

Some stories tell of serious crimes against teenagers. There has even been speculation in the press about links between MySpace and sexual assaults. Parents are concerned. It's no wonder that I've received a number of emails from worried parents wanting to know how they can keep their kids off these types of sites.

While I'm never one to dictate anyone else's parenting, I think it's important that parents put a great deal of thought into how they respond to their kids' use of these services. Pulling the plug may not only be unnecessary, it could be counter-productive.

For one thing, when used properly, these social networking sites have genuinely positive attributes. To me they're like kitchen knives. They can be a tool to help you cook and eat the food that nourishes, but if misused they can also harm people. It's all a matter of how you use them.

A study conducted at Northwestern University did indeed point out that teen bloggers “often willingly reveal their actual names, age and offline locations, putting them at risk for cyberstalking and cyberbullying" – something bloggers should never do. Yet the study's co-author, David Huffaker, observed, “from a developmental perspective, blogs play a positive role by offering teens a place to construct narratives and share stories. These activities are important to identity exploration which is one of the principal tasks of adolescence."

I couldn't agree more. Social networks can have a number of very positive effects on a teen, including helping to increase self-esteem and provide an outlet for creativity and skill development on numerous levels. Though not all teen blogs are candidates for a Pulitzer Prize, I've seen them used for some very creative fiction and non-fiction writing and poetry as well as self-generated music and art.

Blogs and social-networking profiles are also very important communications tools to teenagers. Many teens use these sites to keep in touch with their “real world” friends from their local school. As they go onto college, they continue that discussion, helping to cement what – in many cases -- could become lifelong friendships.

When I think back, there are precious few high school and even college friends that I'm still in touch with. When I finished school and left the area, the only way to keep in touch were occasional visits, time-consuming and expensive long-distance calls, or that cumbersome and quaint communications system we now call “snail mail.” My kids, who are both in college, use these networks to stay in contact with their far-flung high school friends.

The controversy reminds me of what got me into the online safety business in the first place. Back in 1993 I was watching a TV news segment about a kid who had gotten into trouble on a dial-up bulletin board (before most people were using the Internet). The reporter asked a police officer what parents should do and he very dramatically reached over to yank the modem out of the wall saying something like, “The only way to keep kids safe is to not let them go online.” Fortunately, most families didn't go down that path. Today, according to an August 2005 survey by the Pew Internet & American Life Project, “87% of all youth between the ages of 12 and 17 use the internet.” Clearly there are many beneficial reasons for kids to be online.

The same is true with social networking. The issue isn't whether kids should use them but how they should use them. Besides, there are some practical issues. Teens have a mind of their own and, as parents have found out over the centuries; saying “no” doesn't necessarily stop inappropriate behavior. You can ban the use of these services and you can even install filtering software on your home PC to block them, but any teen who is set on communicating on the Net, can find a way, regardless of what their parents do. That's not to say that parents shouldn't exert authority, it's just that you should be realistic in how to exercise it.  In other words, don't overreact because it could be counter-productive.

And if your kids are putting content on the Internet, they're in good company. A November 2005 Pew study found that “some 57% of online teens create content for the Internet.” That's more than 10 million teens and growing. And what they do is also interesting. The Pew report said that 19% of online teens (4 million people) “have created their own online journal or blog. That compares to 7% of adult Internet users at the time.

We've received messages from parents who want social networking sites to take their kids' content down. It's an interesting issue. On one hand, parents do have legal responsibility for their minor children so you'd think these sites would be obligated to comply. But, as National Center for Missing and Exploited Children told Anne Collier of NetFamilyNews, “There is no law out there that gives parents recourse to force a company to take down a child's content.” Although, he added, “some states are working on it, so it's beginning to happen at the state level." But even if a parent were successful in getting a social networking company to take down their kids' site, there is nothing to stop the kid from going to a different service or even setting up a new site on the same service under a different user name. In compliance with federal law (the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act), responsible networking sites do exclude children under 13, but that is based on the child's stated birth date. There is no age verification system in place that requires a person to prove their actual age.

As Anne Collier pointed out in her editorial on the subject “a lot of the behavior on sites like MySpace has been going on in teen hangouts for generations, but parents weren't privy to it. Now it's on display for everybody - peers, parents, and predators.… If we overreact, we're potentially shutting down the one protection kids have: communication and cooperation with the people who love them.”

I would take it a step further. Shutting down a child's communication outlet does not shut down their need to communicate; it simply forces them to rechannel it or drive it underground.

Having said that, there is no question that parents need to play a role in how their kids use these social networking sites. Ideally, parents should know the URL of their kid's site and check it regularly. If your kids complain that you're violating their privacy, remind them that these are public sites – you're not reading their private personal diary or listening in on their personal phone calls. There is no privacy on a public Web site.

If your teen doesn't give you the URL, do some searching. You may not find their site even if they have one, but at the very least search for your kids' names (and nicknames) on the major social networking sites and with search engines such as Google, Yahoo and MSN Search to see if there are references to them on any Web sites. If your child has a common name, try including something that can limit the search such as their name plus the name of their school.

Also, remind your kids to take advantage of whatever privacy tools the service offers. Many allow users to restrict who can see their profile. Kids should also be reminded to avoid postings that can allow a stranger to locate them. This includes their full name, cell phone number and name of their school. Kids should also avoid in-person meetings with people they encounter through their blog (hopefully they'd tell you or at the very least a friend about any plans to meet someone), and they need to be very careful about posting photographs, especially ones that are sexually suggestive. Finally, if the site allows for others to comment, your teen (and you) should check those comments regularly and remove those that are mean or embarrassing.

And most important: talk with your teen about this issue. Even if it turns out to be a one-way conversation, it's still a good thing to do. It shows them you care, puts them on notice that you're aware of the issue and -regardless of how they respond - what you say is likely to have at least some impact on their behavior.